I think our newspaper needs a new advice columnist, so I'm applying for the job. See, I've written some sample answers to people who write in. "Stop whining and get a life, bozo." "Don't tell ME your stupid problems. I've got plenty of my own." "Go soak your head, you big baby." "Want some advice? Drop dead." I guess that covers about everything. Can you imagine doing this for MONEY? What a racket!