Susie comes over and asks if Calvin signed up to play baseball at recess. She says he must be the only one who didn't. The others are playing in the back fields. Calvin is the only boy on a playground full of girls. Susie says it looks that way. She asks if Calvin wants to teeter-totter with her. Calvin, shocked, says he's in Cootie Central and hasn't had his shots. Susie tells him stupidity produces antibodies. Calvin pulls his shirt over his mouth asking for an air filter.

Calvin is on the teeter-totter with Susie. She asks why he didn't sign up to play baseball. Calvin says he'd just rather run around. He says he hates the rules and organization and teams and ranks in sports. He says someone is always telling you where to be, what to do, and when to do it. He figures when he wants that, he'll join the Army and at least get paid.

Moe hassles Calvin about being a sissy for not signing up for baseball. Moe says Calvin would rather play with dolls on the playground. Calvin says he wasn't playing with dolls. Moe wants to see Calvin's Barbie doll. Calvin says he's not a wimp and was on his way to the office to sign up for baseball right now. Standing outside the office door, Calvin wonders why, if he's not a wimp, he's taking the path of least resistance.

Calvin tells Hobbes he signed up to play baseball at recess, even though he doesn't like it that much. Calvin likes playing with Hobbes, because they get to do everything. Hobbes admits he likes the part when they argue over the rules. Calvin figures it will be boring playing the game the way it's supposed to be played. Hobbes asks if Calvin even knows the right way to play. Calvin asks what happens if they make him a halfback. He wonders if he can tackle the shortstop or not.

Dad tells Calvin he heard Calvin signed up to play ball. Calvin admits he only did it to stop getting teased. Dad tells Calvin team sports are good for teaching teamwork and cooperation, winning graciously and accepting defeat. He says it builds character. Calvin says he's regretted every time he's built character. He says he doesn't want to learn teamwork or how to learn about winning or losing. He doesn't even want to compete. He asks what's wrong with having fun by yourself. Dad tells him when you grow up, it's not allowed. Calvin says that's all the more reason he should do it now.

Dad offers to help Calvin practice baseball before dinner. Calvin goes out to get ready to field a ground ball. He complains that he should just move. Dad gets ready to hit the ball and tells Calvin not to wait on the ball. He needs to run up to the ball. Dad leans over Calvin, lying on the ground. Dad says the ball sometimes bounces up like that, and he has to be ready for that. Calvin, speaking through a clogged nose, tells Dad thanks for the tip. He tells Dad to find his nose and put it on ice so they can sew it back on.

Mom asks why they're coming back inside. Dad tells her a ground ball bounced up and hit Calvin in the nose. Calvin, still talking through a clogged nose, says his own Dad tried to kill him. His nose is bleeding. Mom tells him to hold his head back and use some tissues. Calvin says he's not playing baseball again. Dad says they can forget about having a millionaire baseball player supporting them in their old age. Calvin holds the tissues to his nose saying all his character is dripping out his nose.

Calvin tells Hobbes his nose stopped bleeding, so he'll have to go to school tomorrow. Calvin says his life's a disaster. He says he gets hurt learning the skills to play a game he doesn't want to. Hobbes asks if Calvin's nose is clogged, and Calvin says yes. Hobbes says if Calvin snores, he's going to tilt the bed so Calvin rolls out the window. Calvin is glad he has a sympathetic friend to talk to.

Susie notices Calvin has a baseball glove. She asks if he signed up for recess baseball. Calvin tells her she's lucky girls don't have to put up with that nonsense. He says if a girl doesn't want to play sports, that's fine. If a guy doesn't want to chase some stupid ball, he's called a wimp. He says girls have it easy. Susie replies boys aren't expected to live their lives twenty pounds underweight.

Calvin reports to the coach. The coach sends him to deep left field. Calvin isn't sure where that is, so the coach points it out to him. Calvin goes so far he's in tall grass. He figures that is pretty deep.

In the tall grass, Calvin complains that baseball is the most boring game in the world. He's been standing out there all this time, and not a single ball has come out to him. Then, he figures that's alright, because he doesn't know which base to throw it to. Calvin notices the teams exchanging positions. The guys at bat are now out in the field. Calvin is sure someone would tell him if he was supposed to be doing something different.

Spaceman Spiff is marooned on the most distant planet in the galaxy. There's no hope of rescue from this bleak world. Spiff tries to repair his disabled spacecraft. CRACK! There's a fly ball to left field. Calvin says there is a commotion on the horizon. Aliens! Calvin says Spiff grabs his blaster.

Shouts go out to the left fielder. Calvin realizes that's him. He runs up under the fly ball and makes the catch. It's an out! Calvin proudly brings the ball in saying he's a natural athlete. One of the kids asks who he is. Another one thinks Calvin is on the other team.

The batter notices Calvin was the one who caught it. Calvin walks up saying you can do that stuff when you're in top physical condition like he is. They explain to Calvin that it's a new inning, and his team is at bat. The batter complains Calvin got one of his own team out. He calls him a dweeb, a jerk, an idiot. Calvin tries to drop the ball then. His teammates want to coach to get him off the team. The batter wants to hit Calvin with the bat.

Calvin's teammates continue to berate him. They say he should be on the other team if he's going to get them out. They say he doesn't know how to play. Calvin protests that it's a game and is supposed to be fun. One of the team says it's only fun if you win. They say he's dead meat if he screws up again. They ask if Calvin's grandmother taught him to play. Calvin walks up to the coach and says he doesn't want to play anymore. There's too much team spirit. The coach says "OK, quitter! Goodbye".

Up in the tree branch, Calvin tells Hobbes he doesn't understand. When he didn't play, the other kids teased him. When he did play, the other kids teased him. Then the coach called him a quitter when he stopped playing. Calvin says unless you're a star, you can't please anyone. Hobbes asks why he doesn't just please himself. Calvin replies that Mom won't let him move to Madagascar.

Hobbes says it's Saturday and wants to know what Calvin wants to do. Calvin says anything but an organized sport. Hobbes asks if he wants to play Calvinball. Hobbes says no sport is less organized than Calvinball. Calvin calls a new rule. If you don't touch the 30 yard base wicket with the flag, you have to hop on one foot.