Calvin tells Hobbes he has to write a report for school. It's on bats. Calvin can't think of anything more stupid. He says he doesn't know anything about bats. How's he supposed to write a report on something he knows nothing about? Hobbes says he supposes research is out of the question. Calvin says he's going to learn about bats, then write a report? Give him a break!

Calvin calls Susie. He asks her what her topic for the report is. It's elephants. Calvin asks if she's going to the library to do research on elephants. Susie is. Calvin asks while she's there if she wouldn't mind researching bats, too, and make copies of all the information she finds, underline the important parts, and outline it so he doesn't have to read it. Calvin comes back to his bedroom. Hobbes asks how it went. Calvin, with a frown, says he really loathes girls.

Calvin asks Hobbes to help him with his bat report. Hobbes suggests starting with what they know. Hobbes asks what bats are. Calvin asks if they're bugs. He has Hobbes write that down. Hobbes asks if he's sure they're bugs. Calvin says they fly, they're ugly and hairy. He tries hurrying Hobbes, saying this is taking all day.

Calvin thinks they have enough information. Hobbes tells him they only have the one fact Calvin made up. Calvin says that's plenty. By the time they add an introduction, a few illustrations, and a conclusion, it will look like a graduate thesis. Besides, he has a secret weapon that guarantees a good grade. No teacher can resist it. It's a clear plastic binder. Pretty professional looking, eh? Hobbes says he doesn't want coauthor credit on the report.

Calvin asks Susie if she wrote her report. She did, it took all the evening. Calvin says it only took him 15 minutes. It doesn't take long when you know as much as he does. Susie asks to see the report. Calvin tells her she won't be setting the grade curve this time. She reads the title "Bats: The Big Bug Scourge of the Skies". Calvin points out the professional, clear plastic binder. Susie yells that bats aren't bugs.

Miss Wormwood asks the class if there are any volunteers to give his report first. Calvin volunteers. Miss Wormwood is surprised. She says Calvin must have done a good job. She tells Calvin to start. Calvin begins by pointing out to everyone that his report is in a professional, clear plastic binder. Calvin continues by saying when a report looks this good, you know it'll get an "A". He says that's a tip, kids, and he tells them to write that down.

Calvin starts with a dramatic reading of "With a creepy, tingling sensation, you hear the fluttering of leathery wings. Bats! These unspeakable giant bugs drop onto...". The class all replies "Bats aren't bugs". Calvin asks them who's giving the report. Those chowderheads or him? Miss Wormwood would like to see Calvin a moment.

Calvin complains to Hobbes about what the teacher wrote on his report. She says he obviously did no research whatsoever and that his scientific illustration looks like he traced the Batman logo and added fangs. Hobbes says she's pretty perceptive. Calvin says she didn't even give him credit for the professional, clear plastic binder. Hobbes asks what his parents have to say. Calvin replies nothing. He says with Hobbes' help, it will stay that way. He has a shovel in his hand, and he's digging a hole for the report.