Calvin tells Hobbes his gum has lost its flavor. He adds another piece instead of spitting the old one out. After a few packs, it's like chewing a big, soggy sock. Hobbes is disgusted. He says an orifice is an amusing thing, all right.

Calvin gets the new issue of Chewing magazine. He reads the cover to find the different stories. Tongue exercises, fashion kneepads, and an interview with Bazooka Joe. Calvin explains to Hobbes it's all target marketing. They find your special interest and nail you. Hobbes comments that advertising was intrusive enough before. Calvin sees the '92 Spearmints are out. He has to get to a store.

Hobbes can't believe there's a magazine for gum chewers. Calvin explains there are many such magazines. Each one encourages you to think you belong to an elite clique. Hobbes wonders whatever happened to the melting pot. Calvin says there's no money in it.

Calvin reads an article comparing the top five gum brands. He shows Hobbes graphs so that you can choose the proper gum for your chewing style. Hobbes asks what kind of nut would care about this. Calvin tells him everyone. You can quantify your enjoyment. Hobbes thought fun was supposed to be fun. Calvin prefers to trust the experts.

Calvin reads an ad for a new gum. He wonders if he's cool enough to chew it. He wonders if chewing it would make him cool. Calvin asks Hobbes if he should buy some. Hobbes tells him to do it if his emotional security depends on satisfying a need Calvin didn't have before reading the ad.