Calvin calls the meeting of G.R.O.S.S. to order with a poem. He's dictator-for-life, ruler supreme, fearless, brave, and held high in esteem. Calvin the Bold, stand up and hail. His humbleness now, may his wisdom prevail. Hobbes joins in, as first tiger and el presidente. He's the delight of all cognoscenti. He has a prodigious IQ, and lots of panache, as all tigers do. He's a leader with taste, whose views must be embraced. Calvin says you can tell this is a great club by the way they start their meetings.

Calvin calls for the G.R.O.S.S. financial report. Hobbes says they didn't sing the anthem. Calvin says they'll sing it at the end of the meeting. Hobbes wants to sing it now. Calvin tells him they can't. They have to follow protocol. Hobbes starts singing the G.R.O.S.S. anthem. Calvin calls Hobbes an anarchist.

Calvin gives two demerits for singing the anthem before it was on the agenda. Hobbes gives Calvin demerits for not taking his hat off during its hallowed refrain. Calvin tells him he outranks Hobbes and can't be given demerits. Hobbes says Calvin's duties are ceremonial. He has all the real responsibilities. Calvin yells that he has ten times the importance of a lowly first tiger. A million times. Hobbes asks why, if he's so important, does Calvin sing the soprano part of the anthem. Calvin angrily says that's only until his voice changes.

Calvin demotes Hobbes to "Club Mascot". Hobbes says Calvin can be the "Club Chowder Head", because he quits. He says he'll form his own club. Calvin bets his club won't have a cool acronym for a name. Hobbes tells Calvin his club is called C.A.D. Calvin asks what that stands for. Hobbes tells him "Calvin's A Dope".

Calvin changes his club name to "Hobbes is a Mangy Flea-Ridden Furball". Hobbes declares war on Calvin's club. Hobbes says he'll have maps and secret codes. Calvin says he'll have them too, and his will be better than Hobbes'. Hobbes says he's going to write himself a message in code right now. It will say "Calvin smells like a baboon". Calvin says he's broken the code already, and he does not.

Calvin and Hobbes are fighting in the treehouse. Hobbes says his club dedicates itself to the destruction of Calvin's club. Calvin says it's a battle to the finish. They keep arguing with themselves while Susie walks up to the tree. She yells up to Calvin, asking who he's yelling at. Calvin tells Hobbes to be quiet, it's Susie.

Calvin tells Hobbes to pass the bag of rotten apples they've been saving. Susie is right below them. Hobbes asks about their war. Calvin tells Hobbes all charges are dropped. He's back in Calvin's club. Hobbes wants a promotion first. Hurriedly, Calvin tells him it's his. He tells Hobbes to give him the mushy apples. Susie asks what mushy apples. She asks again who he's talking to. Calvin tells her not to move.

Calvin throws apples at Susie while she runs off. Calvin declares their club a success. Hobbes thinks she's telling on them. Calvin says it was worth it. It was perfect. He tells Hobbes it's something they'll look back on with pride in their declining years.

Mom says Susie told her he was throwing mushy apples at her. Calvin says they were getting rid of slimy girls. That's their club. Mom says he better stop it. She tells him to come inside. As Calvin climbs down the rope, he says you can tell this is a great club because they always get in trouble following their charter.