Calvin tells Hobbes he's writing his Christmas list. He asks if Hobbes wants him to add anything for him. Hobbes can't think of anything. Calvin is outraged. Hobbes tells him he has a good home and a best friend. He asks what more could a tiger want. Calvin says it must be sad being a species with so little imagination.

Calvin thanks Hobbes for helping him mail his Christmas list. He says big envelopes could only hold a couple hundred pages. That's why he used a box. Hobbes hopes Santa doesn't throw out his back when he gets it. Calvin says Santa better bring everything on his list. He says he's been extremely good all year. Hobbes asks about the noodle incident. Calvin yells that no one can prove he did that.

Calvin says this whole business of Santa rewarding good kids and neglecting kids bugs him. He adds that he doesn't have anything to worry about. Hobbes clears his throat, calling Calvin a paragon of virtue. Calvin explains a good kid could do something that looks bad, if one didn't consider the mitigating circumstances. Hobbes asks if he means like putting an incontinent toad in Mom's sweater drawer. Calvin says if he was being raised in a better environment, he wouldn't do things like that.

Calvin thinks if Santa is going to judge his behavior over the past year, he ought to be entitled to legal representation. A lot of Christmas loot is at stake. The Constitution says no person should be deprived of property without due process of law. Calvin says Hobbes can be his lawyer. Calvin hands Hobbes a legal pad and says he's all set. Hobbes informs Calvin he doesn't take pro bono cases.

Calvin says as his lawyer, Hobbes will have to review the facts of the case. Hobbes says they'll try to establish Calvin was insane at the time of the alleged crimes. Calvin doesn't want to cop a plea of insanity. He says he's innocent. Hobbes tells Calvin insulting his attorney is a penal offense. Calvin tells him he's supposed to argue he deserves to be on Santa's "good" list. Hobbes advises Calvin to settle out of court. Calvin angrily says in a minute, they are going to settle this out of doors.

Calvin thinks nobody could be watching every kid every minute. He says Santa's old. He figures Santa makes just random checks on them once or twice a week. He tells Hobbes Santa would catch enough bad kids that way to scare everyone else into being good most of the time. Now that Calvin is on to Santa, he's going to smack Susie with a snowball. If he does it quick, the odds of Santa catching him are virtually nil. Hobbes asks what if Susie tells on him. He hadn't thought of that. He drops the snowball. He walks off with Hobbes saying he hopes Santa's watching now, seeing as he's being so good. Hobbes says he's unwillingly good, but good nonetheless.

Calvin tells Mom that he and Hobbes are off to the North Pole. Mom asks why he's going there since he's sent his Christmas list already. Calvin is afraid Santa hasn't considered Calvin's version of certain recent events. Mom asks just how recent are these recent events he's talking about. Calvin says it's a long walk, so he has to go.

Calvin maps out their strategy of telling Santa that Calvin has been the victim of malicious slanders by his enemies. Calvin says they tell Santa Calvin is a good kid with a good heart. Calvin notices Susie. He starts to pack slushballs.

Calvin tells Hobbes Susie is concentrating on her snowman. He wants to barrage her with slushballs. Hobbes reminds him that two minutes ago, they were on their way to tell Santa how good Calvin was. Calvin looks at the slushballs on the ground. He asks Hobbes how many presents he thought Calvin would forfeit for one clean smack upside Susie's head.

Hobbes says he won't be Calvin's lawyer if he can't walk a block without pasting someone with a slushball. Calvin says it's not "someone". It's Susie. Santa would understand. Susie hears Calvin behind the tree arguing with Hobbes. She hears him say he's going to hit her with a big, icy slushball. As Calvin continues to argue with Hobbes, Susie makes her own slushball. Calvin tells Hobbes to hold it. He asks if Hobbes heard a snicker. Susie is standing right behind him with a slushball.

Susie smacks Calvin with her slushball. Calvin is happy, because since she hit him first, it's justified. Hobbes tells him it's a chance to show Santa how good he is. Calvin, head covered in slush, says he doesn't want to be that good.

Calvin comes back in the house saying he proved how good he was. He says Susie hit him with a snowball, and he didn't hit her back. He figures Santa has to give him lots of presents now. Mom asks why Susie hit Calvin with a snowball. Calvin says they were minding their own business when she attacked for no reason. Hobbes tells Calvin that since he lied, if he does something good fast, the last hour will even out to neutral. Calvin laments that he won't make it three more days.

Going down the hill on the sled, Calvin says he's getting nervous about Christmas. He wonders what Santa's definition of good and bad are. He says he hasn't killed anybody, so that's good. He hasn't committed any felonies, start any wars, or practiced cannibalism. He thinks that should get lots of presents. Hobbes suggests maybe good is more than the absence of bad. That's what worries Calvin. He asks Hobbes that if he can get an overnight letter to the North Pole, what would Hobbes charge to write him a glowing character reference. Hobbes says he won't perjure himself for Calvin. His record's clean.