Calvin writes Santa a letter. He writes Santa ignores his list every year and brings practical things he doesn't want. He asks if Santa is insane, gone senile, or can't read. He asks if he's a vindictive elf destroying little kids' dreams. Hobbes reads the letter and suggests sleeping on it. Calvin knows, but he says he felt good writing it.

Calvin writes Santa a letter complaining he didn't receive the 15000 items he requested last year. He concludes Santa's secretarial staff is a bunch of underpaid and unprepared temps, with his letter being misfiled. He offers Santa the option of writing a check to him for five million dollars, so that he can buy the stuff himself. Calvin tells Hobbes that he won't be disappointed this year. Hobbes suggests leaving out the part about the temps.

Calvin writes Santa a letter, saying he's Calvin's brother, Melville. He encloses a list, telling Santa not to confuse his list with Calvin's. He says there are two kids at the house now. Calvin tells Hobbes that if Santa falls for this, he'll add a new brother every year.