Dad yells at Calvin to go to sleep and to quit making noise. Calvin blames Hobbes for jumping on the bed. Dad says Hobbes was not jumping on the bed, and that Calvin should go to sleep. Calvin tells Hobbes that he was the one jumping on the bed. Hobbes says Calvin was the one playing the cymbals.

Miss Wormwood tells Calvin to put his tiger in his locker. Calvin protests that Hobbes would suffocate. Miss Wormwood allows Calvin to put Hobbes under his seat. Calvin is relieved and promptly asks Hobbes for some math assistance.

Dad tells Calvin good night. As he's leaving, Calvin asks if he isn't going to say good night to Hobbes. Dad does so. Hobbes complains about there being no story or smooch. Calvin calls Hobbes a sissy and tells him to go to bed.

Calvin asks Dad to check under the bed for monsters, which he does. Then, he asks to have the dresser checked. Dad refuses. Calvin is sure that's where the monsters will be hiding, and that they'll come out when Calvin goes to sleep. Calvin decides to be proactive by arming himself with a suction dart gun and giving Hobbes a horn. The plan is to irritate the monsters by honking the horn, then shooting them. As they execute their plan, a monster comes in the door. Dad, with several suction darts sticking to him, asks Mom to come upstairs. Calvin is heard saying he was going to finish off the monster when he found his baseball bat.

Mom thinks Hobbes is getting dirty. Mom suggests that Calvin and Hobbes both take a bath. Calvin excitedly starts undressing before Mom clarifies that his bath is upstairs. Calvin is jealous of Hobbes, who is in the washing machine but thinks Calvin would not enjoy it.

Mom is carrying Calvin to bed. Calvin warns that Hobbes will messily devour anyone bringing him to bed before 9:00. Mom shows that Hobbes is in the washing machine. In bed, Calvin complains that was a fine time for Hobbes to take a bath.

Mom asks whether Calvin is bringing Hobbes to school again. She asks whether the kids make fun of him for doing that. Calvin replies that Tommy Chesnutt did, but no one did anymore. Mom asks what happened to Tommy. Calvin replies that Hobbes ate him. Hobbes comments that Tommy needed a bath.

Dad comes into the bedroom yelling that Calvin is making too much noise and is supposed to be asleep. Calvin replies he's hitting monsters under the bed. He's using a baseball bat. Dad shows Calvin he's mistaken by pulling Hobbes out from under the bed. Calvin says it's a good thing he occasionally missed with the bat. Hobbes agrees and asks to see the bat for a minute.

Calvin is home from school. As he enters his bedroom, Hobbes attacks him. They tussle, and Mom is forced to yell for Calvin to quit crashing around. Calvin tries to explain that he was fighting for his very survival against Hobbes' attack. Mom is more concerned with having to sew Hobbes up again, so she asks Calvin to do something quiet upstairs. Calvin complains to Hobbes that Mom always takes his side. Hobbes taunts Calvin by sticking his tongue out and saying that Mom wanted another tiger, not him.

Mom yells up the stairs for Calvin to get up. She goes to his bedroom door, tells Calvin it's nearly 7:30 and asks if he's ready. Calvin replies he's coming. There sits Hobbes with Calvin's shirt and cap on. Hobbes tells Calvin that he knew it wouldn't work. Calvin believes it didn't work because Hobbes didn't put on Calvin's pants.

Dad is trying to read Calvin the story of "Little Red Riding Hood". Calvin keeps changing the wolf to a tiger. As Dad gets to the part about the hunter shooting the wolf (or tiger in this story), he changes his mind. He says the tiger pounces on the hunter and Little Red Riding Hood, eating them and living happily ever after. Calvin thanks Dad for the good story as Hobbes tries to hold back tears.

Mom wakes Calvin for school. Calvin says he's not going to school anymore. Mom replies that he has to, because it's the law. Calvin asks why Hobbes doesn't have to go to school. Mom tells him it's because he's a tiger. Calvin asks Hobbes what being a tiger has to do with it, and Hobbes replies that tigers wreck the grade curve.

In the middle of the night, Mom and Dad awake to Calvin yelling for Mom. He yells that he's thirsty. Mom dutifully stumbles off to take care of things. She gives Calvin a cup, to which he questions if this is just water.

As Mom is driving Calvin home, the car breaks down. Mom starts yelling at the car, and Calvin encourages her to go ahead and swear. Mom gets out of the car to look under the hood. Calvin suggests she kick the car, because that works on TV. Calvin notices all the cars going by on the road and worries no one will stop. Hobbes suggests they honk the horn. They do, as Mom holds her ears in pain. Calvin and Hobbes cheer as someone stops. The man asks whether Mom wants a tow truck. Mom replies that he should call the police and report an infanticide.

Dad lets Calvin out of the car, but tells Calvin to leave Hobbes inside. Calvin tries to convince Dad to let Hobbes come, but Dad says no. Calvin asks for the window to be left open to give Hobbes some air. As they walk off, Hobbes asks Calvin to see if Dad will leave the keys so Hobbes can listen to the radio.

Mom tells Calvin they'll be out a couple hours and to be good and watch TV. Calvin and Hobbes rejoice at the news and head to the telephone to call Videorama to rent a VCR and some movies. Hobbes wants Calvin to ask for "Attack of the Coed Cannibals".

Mom notices Hobbes has a torn seam and gets the sewing kit to repair him. Hobbes says it's just a little cut, and that no surgery is required. Calvin tells Hobbes he's just getting a couple stitches and wonders what the big deal is. Hobbes informs him that Mom doesn't use any anesthetic.

Calvin has a cough, so Mom heads off to get cough medicine. Calvin tells he it was Hobbes coughing. Hobbes says it was not, but Calvin tells him the cough syrup tastes awful. Hobbes refuses to take the medicine. Mom comes into the room and gives it to Calvin as he loudly protests that Hobbes was coughing. Calvin gags on the medicine. He then tries to convince Hobbes it tastes real good and to try some. Hobbes isn't buying that story.

Mom tells Calvin they're going to the store. Calvin wants to bring Hobbes, but Mom tells him to leave Hobbes at home. Calvin yells that he wants Hobbes to come with them. We see Calvin carrying Hobbes out the door saying if you can't win with reason, go for volume.

Everyone is going out to dinner. Calvin is taking a bath, while Hobbes uses Dad's cologne, wears a tie and sport coat, looking like something out of "GQ". As they're sitting at the restaurant, with Hobbes in a chair of his own, Dad is wondering how he got talked into this. Calvin is asking the waitress for the wine list.

Calvin claims they are hopelessly lost and separated from the troop. They're left in the wild to survive by their wits unaided. One of the other scouts comes over, tells Calvin the scoutmaster wants him to pick up his stuffed tiger and get his rear in gear. As they hike along, Calvin whispers to Hobbes that they'll try to lose them again over the next hill.

Susie Derkins is walking along and comes upon Hobbes lying in the grass. She notices it looks like a dog has been chewing on him. She picks him up, figuring a tea party with other stuffed animals might not hurt.

Calvin is walking along a wall yelling for Hobbes. Susie asks if Calvin would like to join her tea party. Calvin angrily declines, saying he's looking for his friend who's been kidnapped by a dog. Susie sits at her tea set talking to Mr. Tiger (Hobbes) about how rude Mr. Calvin is.

Calvin decides to ask Susie to keep an eye open for Hobbes. When he goes back to tell her, he sees Hobbes at the tea set. Calvin kisses Susie's hand and thanks her profusely for finding Hobbes. Susie talks to her rabbit about what a gentleman Mr. Calvin is, but notices all the cookies are gone.

Calvin tells Mom that he and Hobbes have formed a lobby and want more privileges. Mom wonders what he's referring to, as he has it made. He has no responsibilities, no cares, no worries. What else could he want? As they walk away, Hobbes asks why he didn't ask about the credit cards in their names. Calvin dismisses it by saying Mom was in one of her moods.

Dad yells to Calvin to hurry up. They have a 7:00 reservation. Calvin wants to bring Hobbes along. Dad explains that Hobbes would probably eat someone at the restaurant, so he can't come along. Calvin tells Hobbes that he probably would do that. Hobbes acknowledges he can never stay on a diet in a restaurant.

Dad is trying to concentrate on his driving. There's lots of traffic around. Calvin and Hobbes start making faces at each other, trying to get each other to laugh. As they're laughing, Dad turns around and yells at them that he told them to be quiet. Calvin says that they were having a weird face contest, but that fit's over. Dad won.

Dad pokes his head into Calvin's bedroom and wonders what all the ruckus is about. He sees feathers in the room. He asks Calvin whether he's tearing up pillows. Calvin clarifies that a herd of ducks flew in the window, molted, and left when Dad came in. After Dad leaves, Hobbes angrily notes there's no dessert for a week due to the bogus alibi. Calvin retorts that Hobbes wasn't offering any brainstorms.

The family has gone to the beach for a getaway. Calvin and Hobbes run across the sand. They yelp with pain from the hot sand. Finally, they reach the water and jump in. And right out they come, yelping with pain from the cold of the water. Then, they again yelp with pain from the hot sand as they return to the car. As Dad points to Calvin and Hobbes sitting in the car, Dad tells Mom they haven't driven an hour and a half for this.

Calvin tells Dad he needs to go to the bathroom. Dad mentions they've just left the restaurant. He wants Calvin to think of something else. Calvin can only think of Niagara Falls, Hoover Dam, Noah's Ark. Suddenly, Mom decides she needs to go, as well. As Dad sits in the car at the gas station, he thinks he'll take a vacation by himself next year.

Calvin asks Mom whether he and Hobbes can go play in the rain. Mom says no, he'll get soaked. Calvin asks what's so bad about that. Mom explains about catching pneumonia, running up a big hospital bill, and dying. Up in their room looking out at the rain, Calvin says he forgot that when he asks Mom something, he always gets a worst-case scenario. Hobbes mentions he didn't know those little showers were so dangerous.

Calvin and Hobbes, both making faces, come up to Susie. Calvin figures she'll be horrified at their frozen faces. They exchange pleasant greetings, then Susie asks if Calvin got his head stuck in a blender. She says it's an improvement.

Calvin yells that he wants Dad to read him a bedtime story. Dad begs off until tomorrow. Calvin replies he won't go to bed without a story. Dad gives him a very brief story dealing with a little boy who always wanted things his way and who gets locked in the basement for the rest of his life. Everyone else lived happily ever after. Calvin doesn't like those stories with morals.

Calvin asks Mom if they can go out for pizza. Mom tells him they had pizza last night, and that it's too expensive to eat out all the time. Calvin asks if she'd rather spend the night cooking and washing dishes than spend a few bucks. As they sit in the pizza restaurant, Dad notices they seem to go out for pizza a lot these days. Mom comments that he's welcome to make a dish of cereal at home, if he'd prefer.

Calvin and Hobbes are in the car, pretending to drive. Calvin races along the residential streets at 90 mph. Hobbes flips on a turn signal. Calvin makes school kids dive for safety. Hobbes puts on the windshield wipers. The police are after Calvin, so he downshifts. Hobbes blows the horn. Mom comes back with groceries in hand asking if she can run an errand without Calvin honking the horn across the parking lot. Calvin pleads that it wasn't him blowing the horn.

Mom tells Calvin she doesn't want him up in the tree. Calvin, sitting on a branch with Hobbes, asks why not. She explains some of the branches are dead and might break. As Calvin climbs down, he comments that Mom spoils everything. As they sit on top of a ladder, Hobbes comments that it just isn't the same.

At the department store, Calvin asks Mom if he can get a particular pair of pants. Mom looks at it and says they're too expensive. She says he'll grow right out of them, too. She wonders why any kid needs designer clothes. Calvin replies, "Babes". Calvin has to look cool.

The family is walking home from getting ice cream. Calvin wants Hobbes to pull him in the wagon. Hobbes refuses, since he didn't get any ice cream. Calvin complains that tigers don't like ice cream. Hobbes still refuses to pull the wagon. Calvin calls Hobbes fuzz brain and he, too, refuses to pull the wagon. They both sit there. Dad laments their walks always become rides. Mom tells him he needs the exercise anyway.

Susie wants to squeeze Calvin's stuffed tiger. Calvin warns her that Hobbes is a ferocious man-eating jungle beast. Susie thinks he looks cuddly. Calvin continues to explain about Hobbes' terrible mandibles of bone-crushing death. Calvin warns of mighty paws with razor-sharp claws. He concludes that Hobbes is a monster. Susie thinks Hobbes is cute and gives him a big hug. Calvin asks Hobbes what happened to the mandibles of death. He calls him a sissy furball. Hobbes, with a big smile on his face, says he was beguiled by her feminine charms. He also tells Calvin to go soak his head.

Dad goes into the store, leaving Calvin and Hobbes in the car. They hide under a blanket, putting a bag on top of themselves, so Dad will think they've run away. Dad comes back out to the car, seeing that they're hiding. He says he wonders where they are. He says it's his chance to get away before they come back. He says Mom will be glad when she hears he's lost them. Calvin pops up saying Mom won't be glad. He calls Dad a sicko and says he's ruining Dad's getaway.

Calvin asks Dad to read a story Hobbes wrote, "Goldilocks and the Three Tigers". Dad reads that Goldilocks walks in the forest, sees the house, goes into the house, sees the porridge in three bowls. Then the three tigers come home, divide Goldilocks into three parts, and dunk her in the porridge. Dad is disgusted by the story and refuses to continue. He says "Good night". Calvin laments he didn't even look at the illustrations. Hobbes complains about now being hungry.

Susie opens the door, and Calvin hands her the gift. She thanks them for coming and they step inside. She notices Hobbes is wearing a tie. She picks him up and hugs him. Grudgingly, Calvin tells Hobbes that he was right about girls flipping for ties and that he can stop winking at him.

Susie hands Calvin a paper plate for his piece of birthday cake. Calvin whispers to Hobbes that he hopes the cake is something good and not gross like coconut. Hobbes tells him not to worry, the cake is chocolate. Calvin asks if he saw the cake. Susie yells that someone cut a piece out already, and that she didn't even get to blow out the candles. Hobbes whispers that it's nice and moist, too.

Susie thanks Calvin and Hobbes for coming to her party and for her gift. Calvin and Hobbes are walking home, and Calvin stops. He digs into his pocket while something puddles up on the ground. He says Mom may not want the piece of cake and ice cream they're bringing her.

Mom puts Hobbes in the clothes dryer. Calvin waits while the dryer runs. Finally, the bell rings and Calvin opens the dryer. Hobbes is all frizzy. Calvin tells him he's a fright. Hobbes asks for Calvin to tell his Mom to put some conditioner in the wash next time.

Dad carries Calvin up the stairs saying he's had enough of this silly amnesia game. Since Calvin won't stop it, it's off to bed. Dad tells him to let him know if he wants to be serious. Calvin winks at Hobbes as Dad leaves. When Dad closes the door, Calvin yells out that there's a tiger in the room.

Calvin and Mom come back to the raccoon. Mom isn't sure they can save him. She sends Calvin for a shoe box and a clean dish towel. Calvin runs off, and Mom sits next to Hobbes. She says she doesn't think the raccoon will make it. She hates when things like this happen. She then realizes she's talking to Hobbes and says you can tell she's upset when she starts talking to him.

Mom puts the raccoon in the box. She tells Calvin all they can do is keep him warm and safe. She tells him they'll put him in the garage and out some food and water. Calvin mentions he read that raccoons will eat almost anything. He says chances are he'll be happy to donate most of his dinner. Mom tells him he doesn't even know what they're having.

Calvin has an instant camera and takes a picture of Hobbes. He has Hobbes make faces and odd poses as he takes the pictures. They laugh as they see the developed pictures. Calvin takes the pictures to Dad, who wonders why all the pictures are of Hobbes. Calvin says they're a scream. He'd like ten bucks for another roll of film.

Calvin and Hobbes are sitting on the sofa watching television. Calvin thinks there is nothing better for spending weekends. Dad tells him he's been watching television all day and needs to get out and do something. He says kids are supposed to run around in the fresh air, have fun, and get some exercise. Dad closes the door on them. They walk over to Susie's house. Calvin asks if she's watching TV and wonders if they can come in. Susie says they can, but to hurry. There's a commercial on.

Mom puts Calvin to bed and asks if he washed his face and brushed his teeth. Calvin replies that both he and Hobbes did. After Mom leaves, Calvin and Hobbes start fighting about which side of the bed each one should be on. Calvin calls Hobbes "fuzz-for-brains". Calvin hits Hobbes with a pillow. Hobbes jumps up and pounces on Calvin, who ends up in Hobbes' mouth. Calvin says Hobbes wins. Calvin makes a face and says he wishes Hobbes had brushed his teeth. Hobbes makes a face and says he wishes Calvin had washed his face.

Mom yells for Calvin to get ready for bed. Calvin slowly heads for bed. He says he's trapped in slow motion. Mom tells him he better get into normal speed...NOW! Suddenly, Calvin has a time snap, and off to bed he runs.

Susie comes over with her water gun. She sees Hobbes and thinks he's cute wearing his Jams. She gives him a squeeze. Calvin tells her to quit it and to go around the house to count till 50. Then, they'll start. Calvin scolds Hobbes for his Jams. He reminds him they're at war. Hobbes, with a big smile on his face, tells Calvin he's just jealous. Hobbes says Susie is a babe.

Calvin lays out the strategy to Hobbes. They'll split up with one of them going around the house in each direction. Calvin will draw Susie's fire, then Hobbes will sneak up from behind and hit her with a water balloon. Susie sneaks around the house, finding Hobbes sitting there with a water balloon. She thanks him for the water balloon and for being a great double agent.

As the family rows their canoe, Dad points out the island they'll be camping at. Dad happily tells about the fresh air, clean water and plenty of exercise. BOOM! Rain comes pouring down. Dad tells Mom that she's backpedaling. Mom says they're turning around and finding a hotel.

Dad comes back in around midnight. He has Hobbes in his hand. Dad says he found Hobbes with the toboggan. Mom thanks him and says Calvin will be so happy. Dad says Calvin better be, or tomorrow he'll leave him in the woods. Mom tucks Hobbes into bed with Calvin so he will see him first thing in the morning. Calvin is snuggled into bed, and Mom calls him a little angel. Dad says that's only at night.

Calvin awakens to find Hobbes. They say how glad they are to see each other. Calvin asks if Hobbes got scared in the woods at night. Hobbes denies that and says he got bored, so he came back. Calvin runs in to show Mom that Hobbes came back. She tells him that Dad found him last night and brought him in. Calvin looks at Hobbes and says "Is that so". Mom says yes and suggests he go thank Dad right now.

Rosalyn catches Calvin and herds him back to the house. She tells him no more monkey business. She tells him it's her job to watch him, and she's going to do it even if she has to tie him to a chair. She asks if he gets it. Calvin clicks his heels, sticks his arm out in salute, and says "Jawohl, mein Fuehrer". She grabs him by the collar and asks if he'd care to repeat that last comment. He tells her he said he wasn't going anywhere.

Calvin comes home and is attacked by Hobbes. They fight for some time. Finally, they're both exhausted. As Calvin walks by Mom, she asks what happened to him if he didn't get in a fight at school. Calvin replies that sometimes, he wishes he had a gerbil.

Susie asks Calvin why he brought his stuffed tiger to school. Calvin tells her Hobbes is going to give Moe a "treat" today: a ride in an ambulance helicopter. Susie asks how that will happen. Calvin says she probably doesn't want to know if she has an aversion to descriptions of carnage. Susie tells him that talking with him is the conversational equivalent of an out-of-body experience.

Moe comes up to Calvin in the playground and notices the "teddy bear". Calvin corrects him about it being a tiger and calls Moe a brainless invertebrate. Moe says maybe he'd like to play with the "teddy". Calvin says that's a good idea. He tells him Hobbes plays rough, but he's lots of fun. He invites Moe to take Hobbes. Moe, suspecting something, looks around for a teacher. He asks if this is a trick. He says he's not touching his "teddy". Calvin dares him. He calls Moe a chicken. Moe leaves. Calvin tells Hobbes that he scared him away. He hugs Hobbes. Hobbes angrily yells to Moe to come call him a "bear" again.

As Calvin enters his house, Mom tells him she called his teacher to put a stop to Moe's bullying. Calvin tells her she wasted her time. He tells her that when Moe saw Hobbes, he almost lost his lunch. Calvin figures Moe will leave him alone now. It's not every kid who has a tiger for a best friend. Mom says "and what lucky moms those other kids have". Calvin tells Hobbes that if he'll loan Calvin a buck, he'll buy him a comic book.

Mom tells Calvin to sleep tight and not let the bedbugs bite. After she leaves, Calvin wonders if that means they have vermin in the house. Hobbes says the mattress is moving. It must be a bedbug. Calvin sees giant bug legs. He runs for some bug spray and tells Hobbes to keep the monster bug trapped in the bed. Hobbes is on top of the folded over mattress. He tells Calvin to get his foot locker for more weight. Mom and Dad are wondering what's going on upstairs. Mom suggests it sounds like Calvin's moving furniture. Calvin starts using the bug spray. The spray doesn't kill it. Hobbes hears Dad coming and suggests Dad can kill the bug. As Dad enters the messed room with bug spray wafting everywhere, Calvin tells him it went under the bed. He tells Dad to get a fly swatter. Dad replies that he'll tell Calvin who's going to be swatted.

Calvin opens his drawer wondering what to wear that day. Suddenly, the clothes fly out of the drawer and attack him. They hold his arms and grab his feet. Striped shirt, plaid jacket, polka dot shirt. Calvin says he won't go out with those clothes on. The clothes lift his legs and make him walk. As Calvin walks past, Mom asks if Calvin has gone color-blind. Calvin says he doesn't want to hear about it.

Dad comes up the stairs, angry at Calvin for missing dinner. Calvin is tied up on the chair. Calvin tells Dad that Hobbes tied him up. Dad tells him not to tell lies and asks how he tied himself up. Calvin repeats that Hobbes did it and was going to hold him for ransom. After Dad leaves, Calvin rubs his sore rear end. Hobbes tells him he's glad Dad saw through his lie. And who would pay ransom for Calvin, anyway?

Calvin wants Dad to read a bedtime story he wrote. The title is "The Dad Who Lived To Regret Being Mean To His Kid". It's written in poem form. Barney's Dad was bad, and Barney hatched a plan. Dad said "Eat your peas". Barney said "No" and ran. Barney tricked his Dad into the cellar. He wasn't found by Barney's Mom, because Barney didn't tell her. Dad had to spend his life eating mice and gruel. With every bite for fifty years, he was sorry he'd been cruel. Calvin suggests to Dad that many stories have morals. Dad angrily tells Calvin he gets it.

Calvin shows Uncle Max his room. Calvin mentions he doesn't know where Max is sleeping, but it isn't here. Max understands. Calvin shows Hobbes to Max and warns him not to get too close. Max agrees and says he can tell Hobbes is a fierce one. Calvin tells him Hobbes has mandibles of death. Max adds that Hobbes has a killer's eye, you can tell. He goes downstairs. Calvin thinks Uncle Max is pretty sharp. He finds it hard to believe Max is related to Dad.

Calvin comes in from the snow. Mom fixed him some hot chocolate and crackers with peanut butter. She tells him to wrap up with a blanket and to take the food in front of the fireplace. She brings Hobbes and some comic books. After Mom leaves, Calvin notices she even put marshmallows in the hot chocolate. He says "nobody knows how to pamper like a Mom". Hobbes wants to know if Calvin is going to eat all those peanut butter crackers himself, or what.

Calvin and Hobbes are sitting on the floor playing checkers. Dad asks if he's just going to sit inside all day. Dad tells Calvin he should go outside to play and to get some fresh air. Calvin and Hobbes get bundled up, go outside, and sit on the ground playing checkers.

Calvin grabs a box. He and Hobbes crawl in and address the box to Australia. They tell Mom to put them outside by the mailbox. Mom tells him not to be so silly. Mom asks where Rosalyn is, since Calvin was saying she was there. Calvin tells Mom that as far as he knows, she's still on the front porch. Mom yells at Calvin for not even letting her in, as the doorbell rings several times.

Hobbes is giggling in his sleep. Calvin wakes up and notices Hobbes is dreaming. Hobbes sniffs, and Calvin wonders if Hobbes thinks he's in the jungle. Calvin is prepared to smack Hobbes with a pillow. Hobbes crawls out of bed and heads downstairs. Calvin follows him and wonders why they're going to the kitchen. Dad turns on the light and asks if Calvin was sleepwalking. Calvin says he was wide awake, but Hobbes is the dope who's sleepwalking. Dad explains to Mom that he put Calvin back to bed, and he had no reason for being up. Mom notices that he had gotten out all the tuna in the house.

Calvin sees Mom and Dad loading duffel bags into the car. They're going on vacation. Calvin is thrilled. He and Hobbes will have the house to themselves. They can stay up late and can eat cookies for dinner. Dad opens the door and asks why Calvin is still in his room. He tells him to go. Calvin wonders what he's talking about. Dad tells him they're all going on vacation. They've been planning it all month. Calvin wonders what kind of vacation will it be if he has to go with Mom and Dad.

As they're paddling a canoe to the campground, Calvin reminds them of last year's vacation. It rained so hard they couldn't make a fire. He says it was one of the worst experiences of his life. Dad replies that it built character. Calvin asks why he can never build character at a Miami condo or a casino somewhere.

They paddle up to their campground. Calvin and Mom get out so Dad can hand over the gear. As Dad is telling Calvin not to drop the gear he's handing him, down it falls into the water. Calvin tells Dad not to worry. The water is only ten feet deep, and he can see the camera and everything. Dad replies that he's going to feed Calvin to the sea gulls. Mom tells him he came to relax.

Calvin asks Mom if Hobbes can come in swimming with him. Mom says no, tigers don't swim very well. Hobbes is standing with goggles, a cap, and a life preserver on. He isn't sure Mom knows so much about tigers. Calvin tells him they're just trying to avoid an argument, as he gets ready to bring Hobbes into the water.

Calvin runs over to the monkey cage. Mom shows him how monkeys use their tails and feet to climb. She says zoos let people see how wild animals really behave. Calvin's eyes get wide and he points at the cage. He says to look what the monkey is doing in public. He laughs, says that's gross, and asks how come he's not allowed to do that. Mom tells Calvin to come look at the birds.

Calvin says he followed that lady halfway around the zoo, think it was Mom. He wonders why Mom's don't write their names on their calves so that type thing doesn't happen. He wonders where he is, and he wonders where Hobbes is. Mom sees Hobbes on the zoo bench. She asks where Calvin is. Dad says these little family trips always turn out this way. He plans on spending more Saturdays at the office.

Mom and Dad look around for Calvin. Mom says they just turned their backs for a minute. Dad wonders why he didn't take Hobbes. Dad tells Mom to stay at the bench in case Calvin returns. He's going to go look for him. Dad complains that being a parent is wanting to hug and strangle your kid at the same time.

Mom is overjoyed to see Dad with Calvin. She asks where he was. Dad tells her he was looking at the tigers. Calvin explains that he followed another lady, thinking it was Mom. Then, when he realized he was lost, he went to ask the tigers if they'd seen Hobbes. Mom tells him to ask a person for help next time. Dad says that there won't be a next time, because they're going to tie him to a stake in the yard every weekend. Calvin tells Hobbes his compatriots were a fat lot of help.

Calvin looks jittery as he walks along. He says the problem having a tiger for a friend is that he appears out of nowhere, coming right at you at 90 miles an hour. He looks around, startled. Calvin wipes his brow. He thought he had heard Hobbes. His heart is still pounding. He sees Hobbes on the floor. Mom tells him he hasn't been looking well. She suggests he should go to bed earlier.

Dad hears the water, and he comes into the bathroom. He walks into the spraying water. He sputters about what's going on. He shuts the water off and looks for Calvin, who's hiding behind the shower curtain. Dad tells Calvin it's the end of the world.

Dad asks Calvin what he was doing. Calvin tells him he was looking for dental floss and the handle blew sky high by itself. He changes his story to Hobbes playing around with Dad's tools. Calvin tried to stop Hobbes, but he wouldn't listen. Dad gives Calvin one more try. Calvin tells him big, bug-eyed monsters from Pluto did it and made him swear not to tell.

Calvin says goodbye to Mom. He's going to live on Mars, since Earth is too polluted. She tells him goodbye. Calvin stands by the open back door and tells her to say goodbye to Dad. If he can find an interplanetary post office, he'll write once in a while. Mom tells him he's letting in bugs. Either stay in or go outside. Hobbes tells Calvin she didn't see too choked up about them going. Calvin adds they should have left a long time ago.

Calvin gets off the bus after a rough day. He opens the door, and Hobbes crashes into him. Calvin angrily tells Hobbes that if he thought that was funny, he should come back and fight. He trudges up the stairs. Mom notices he looks dirtied and asks what happened. He tells her not to ask. He heads to his room to change. When he opens his room door, Hobbes crashes into him again. Later, Dad asks where Calvin is. Mom tells him she sent him to his room for making prank calls to pet stores. He was asking them if they'd buy his tiger.

Calvin asks Dad where they're going that night. He wonders why he and Hobbes can't come along. Dad says they're going to dinner and a movie to get some time by themselves. Calvin says that he could come. Hobbes wouldn't kill anyone. Calvin asks why they can't come, why aren't they wanted around. He asks if the movie's dirty or something. Dad tells Mom that they'll have a dinner with real pauses in the conversation. Can she imagine?

Calvin calls into the basement for Hobbes. Mom finds Hobbes in Calvin's bed. Calvin runs upstairs and asks if Hobbes is alright. He hugs Hobbes and says he's so glad to see him. Hobbes is safe and sound, and now Calvin is, too. Mom says that it looks like they're a whole family again.

Dad tells the police officer the TV was stolen. Calvin comes over and tells the officer he bets the burglars ran off when they saw there was a tiger in the house. Dad tells him he's busy, and not to bother them now. Calvin continues by saying no one sticks around when he sees a tiger. He says Hobbes has mandibles of death. Dad tries to push Calvin to Mom. Calvin keeps talking about Hobbes looking at mug shots and going to the station to look at suspects. The officer thinks that he sure meets the weirdos in this job.

Calvin and Hobbes are wearing paper hats. Susie Derkins comes along and asks if she can make one, too. Calvin tells her these are the official hats of the G.R.O.S.S. club. Susie asks about the "slimy girls" part. Calvin says he knows it's redundant, but otherwise it didn't spell anything. Susie yells that girls aren't slimy. Calvin tells her not to get gunk on him. He took a bath last Saturday, and he's all clean.

Susie can't believe he started a secret club to exclude girls. She tells Calvin he's the meanest, most rotten little kid she knows. She tells him to play with his stuffed tiger. She doesn't want to play with a stinker like him, anyway. Susie walks away. Calvin tells Hobbes this is a great club.

Susie asks if she can play with Calvin. Calvin informs Susie that he and Hobbes aren't playing. They're doing important things and don't need her to mess them up. It doesn't look to Susie like they're doing anything important. Calvin tells her he's spent too much time talking with her and to go away. She says he's just playing in the mud. Calvin tells her that's what it looks like to ignorant girls like her. He tells her to get lost. Susie says she's got better things to do than sitting in the mud like a pig. Calvin gets angry! He says he'll show her as he grabs some mud. Susie taunts him by saying he shouldn't bend over, his curly pink tail shows. Calvin throws mud at Susie, but misses. She taunts him as she runs away. Calvin steams back to Hobbes. Hobbes calls spring that magical time of year when a young man's fancy turns to love. Calvin tells him to shut up.

Mom sees Calvin in the tree and tells him to come down. Calvin doesn't want to because he thinks she'll kill him. Mom says she won't, but wants to know what happened. She asks if anyone was hurt. Calvin says no one was hurt. He says they pushed the car into the drive and it kept rolling. Mom asks if the car hit anything. Calvin says it just went into the ditch. That's when they took off. Mom says the tow truck pulled the car out, and there was no damage. He can come home now. Calvin wants to hear her say she loves him first.

Sitting on the step of their home, Calvin asks Dad where the sun goes when it sets. Dad says Flagstaff, Arizona. He says that's why the rocks there are so red. Calvin asks if the sun doesn't crush the state when it lands. Dad says no. He holds a quarter in front of the sun and tells Calvin the sun is about the same size. Calvin mentions he thought the sun was really big. Dad tells him he can't believe everything he reads. Calvin asks how the sun can rise in the east if it lands in Arizona each night. Dad says it's time for Calvin to go to bed. As Mom tucks Calvin in, he tells her that he hopes someday to be as smart as Dad. Mom asks what Dad told him now.

The family drives up to the Natural History Museum. Calvin sees the stegosaurus in front. Calvin can't wait to see the dinosaurs and rushes from the car. Mom says it's been a while since they were at the museum. Dad mentions that was at the museum's request. That reminds Mom, who tells Calvin not to bite anyone this time. Calvin is already roaring like a dinosaur.

Mom asks Calvin what kind of dinosaur they're in front of. Calvin tells her it's a stegosaurus. Mom says it looks ferocious, but Calvin tells her it was a plant eater. He tells her the tail spikes were for self-defense. Mom then asks if tyrannosaurs fought them. Calvin tells her of course not. Tyrannosaurs came millions of years later. Calvin walks to the building telling her not to embarrass him when they go inside. Dad wonders why they're going in if he knows everything already.

Dad starts reading a bedtime story to Calvin, who stops him. Calvin asks if the book was a best-seller, if the author won a Pulitzer, and if the New York Times liked it. Calvin wants stories that come highly recommended. He asks if there are laudatory comments on the book's dust jacket. Dad starts again. "Once upon a time, there was a noisy kid who started going to bed without a story". Calvin asks if that book has been made into a movie and whether they could be watching it on video.

Mom wakes up to Calvin yelling for her. When she checks on him, he tells her that Hobbes had a bad dream. Mom is angry that Calvin woke her up at 2:00 AM because he thinks his stuffed tiger had a bad dream. Calvin explains that Hobbes dreamed he was hungry and ate them all up. Mom walks back to her room, saying she must be having a bad dream. Calvin asks if she shouldn't make Hobbes a sandwich, just in case.

Calvin is upset Mom and Dad left them with the baby sitter. Hobbes asks if Calvin thinks she remembers how they threatened to flush Rosalyn's notes down the toilet. Calvin laughs, calling it their finest moment. Rosalyn opens the door and tells Calvin to get ready for bed. Calvin protests that it's not even 6:30 yet. In bed, Hobbes says she remembers. Calvin says he's going to call the rescue squad.

Calvin comes home and is pounced on by Hobbes. They're fighting as Susie asks what he's doing. She says he didn't even change out of his school clothes. Calvin explains that this maniac is so glad to see him that he blasts out like a big orange torpedo. A dog will wag its tail, but a tiger has to pounce on you. Susie asks if Hobbes pounces on him. Calvin says Hobbes enjoys the treachery and cunning of it all. He says it's their evil nature. Susie points out that Hobbes is just sitting there. Calvin says it's a big disguise. No one can fathom the savage mind of a jungle cat. He's a killer to the core. Susie walks off wishing her parents would move. Her diary gets weirder every day. Calvin looks at Hobbes and cocks his fist. He says to wipe off that grin or he'll do it for him.

Susie asks Calvin if he's bringing Hobbes to school. Calvin says Hobbes is just keeping him company while he waits for the bus. Calvin goes on to say Hobbes has been nothing but trouble today. He's trying to sabotage Calvin's Christmas by making Calvin be bad. Calvin tells Susie that he asked Santa for such great presents that he can withstand any temptation. Susie asks what he asked for. Calvin tells her a heat-seeking guided missile. He figures five minutes with one of those babies makes up for the whole rotten month.

Dad asks Calvin what story he'd like to hear. Calvin wants "Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie". Dad wants to read something different. Calvin insists. Dad says he's going to read a different story that Calvin will like. Calvin says he won't like it. He threatens to stay awake until morning unless Dad reads Hamster Huey. Afterward, Hobbes tells Calvin he doesn't remember Hamster Huey having quite that sarcastic tone of voice. Calvin doesn't remember Hamster Huey doing everything so fast.

Susie happily builds a snowman. Calvin and Hobbes come rocketing down the hill on their sled. WUMP! The snowman goes down the hill on the sled. Susie, Calvin, and Hobbes are stacked up where the snowman used to be.

Mom asks Calvin how he could get so dirty at school. Calvin tells her it wasn't from school that he got dirty. He says Hobbes was waiting for him. Mom tells him to take a bath. Calvin protests because it's the middle of the afternoon. As Mom pushes Calvin toward the bathroom, she says she has to take a shower so Dad can take one when he gets home. Calvin wonders if there's some epidemic going around. Mom reminds Calvin that she told him that morning that she and Dad were going out that night. Rosalyn will be watching him tonight. Calvin is horrified.

Rosalyn comes into the room. Calvin tells her he's been there all the time. Rosalyn tells him he snuck outside, took off his costume, and jumped in bed. She says he's going to get it now. Calvin thumbs his hands at Rosalyn asking what she can do since he's already in bed. She grabs Calvin and tells him to get downstairs. Calvin protests, saying he needs his sleep.

Mom asks Calvin if he'd like to explain what happened tonight. He tells her he put on his pajamas at 8:00, brushed his teeth, and went straight to bed. Mom asks about the note Rosalyn left. Calvin says she made him write it up to get him in trouble. He says Rosalyn hates kids. In bed, Hobbes tells Calvin "Nice try, Pinocchio". Calvin asks who would've thought Rosalyn would make him write a full confession.

Dad asks what story Calvin wants tonight. He wants a story about Hobbes and him. Dad starts making up a story about them getting up at the crack of dawn, making a huge ruckus, running up and sliding down the stairs. Calvin adds about the Big Bad Dad yelling at them and saying he'd mail them to Pluto third class if they didn't knock it off. Dad continues that Calvin went to rot out his innards with chocolate cereal and rot his brain watching cartoons. Calvin doesn't want editorials. Dad continues that Calvin and Hobbes went outside, and it was nice and quiet in the house for a while. He tells Calvin good night. Calvin complains that's not the end. Dad gives Calvin a kiss and says he's right. That isn't the end of the story. The story doesn't have an end. He and Hobbes will write more of it tomorrow and every day after. But for now, it's time to sleep. Calvin says that was a good story. Calvin and Hobbes wish each other a good night.

Dad says it's getting dark, and he calls Calvin inside. Calvin was catching fire flies, and he wants to stay out longer. Dad says first Calvin didn't want to go out, now he doesn't want to come in. Dad tells him that by not watching TV, he had more fun and will have memories of something real he did instead of something fake that he watched. In bed, Calvin says nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.

Calvin and Hobbes are tumbling, drawing pictures, chasing a frog, in their treehouse, playing baseball, reading comic books, swinging, playing treasure hunt, and playing in the sandbox. Mom asks Calvin to empty a bag into the garage trash can. Calvin complains some vacation this summer is.

Calvin sets Hobbes down and tells him to watch for Susie while he counts the money to make sure it's all there. Calvin opens the envelope to find no money. There is a note. Calvin reads "now we're even". He wonders what that means. Susie has grabbed Hobbes and run off. Calvin notices Hobbes missing.

Calvin chases Susie, who's carrying Hobbes. Calvin tells Hobbes to bite her. Susie reaches her home and closes the door. From an upstairs window, Susie yells down for him to get away from their door with that drill.

Calvin offers to give Susie her doll and a quarter to return Hobbes. Susie agrees and tells Calvin to leave her stuff alone next time. They exchange and think each other are jerks. Later, Calvin asks Hobbes what kind of tiger he is. He didn't try to maul her. He asks what he was doing in Susie's house. Hobbes says wouldn't Calvin like to know.

Susie gives Calvin an invitation to a milk and cookie party. Calvin declines. He wouldn't attend if she paid him. Susie doesn't care and walks off. She calls Calvin a jerk and says she went to all the trouble to set up the table and chairs. She says to Mr. Bun they can have a nice party by themselves. Calvin happily tells Hobbes they showed her. Hobbes wonders what kind of cookies they were. Calvin and Hobbes go to the party. Susie is happy. Calvin says they don't attend parties, they crash them.

Mom sees that Calvin has made his bed without being asked. Hobbes comments that Mom is sure nice when Calvin helps her. He says that's the reason he usually doesn't. Calvin wants Mom to be impressed when he fulfills the least of his obligations.

Calvin tells Mom that he and Hobbes are off to the North Pole. Mom asks why he's going there since he's sent his Christmas list already. Calvin is afraid Santa hasn't considered Calvin's version of certain recent events. Mom asks just how recent are these recent events he's talking about. Calvin says it's a long walk, so he has to go.

Calvin comes back in the house saying he proved how good he was. He says Susie hit him with a snowball, and he didn't hit her back. He figures Santa has to give him lots of presents now. Mom asks why Susie hit Calvin with a snowball. Calvin says they were minding their own business when she attacked for no reason. Hobbes tells Calvin that since he lied, if he does something good fast, the last hour will even out to neutral. Calvin laments that he won't make it three more days.

Dad carries Calvin into the house. Calvin says he can explain. He tells Mom that he had to freeze the snow goons or they would have gotten him. Dad tells Calvin it's after midnight. He says they'll discuss it very thoroughly tomorrow. He sends Calvin to bed. Wide-eyed, Calvin tells Hobbes he's not going to get any sleep now.

In bed, Calvin yells for Mom. He tells her Hobbes wants a second good night kiss. Mom complains that it's two in the morning. Calvin says the first kiss didn't take. After she leaves, Hobbes grumpily thinks that kiss didn't take, either. Calvin tells him to go to sleep.

Calvin is thirsty. He gets out of bed to go for a drink. He hears a thump. He sees eyes glowing in the dark. He runs down the stairs, yelling for help. He yells that he feels its terrible fangs. He crashes. Mom and Dad wake up and check on Calvin. They turn on the light. Dad says he was sleepwalking again. Mom tells him to go back to bed. He had a nightmare. Calvin looks to see he has Hobbes in his hands. Back in bed, Calvin tells Hobbes it's creepy having a friend whose eyes glow in the dark. Hobbes says it's so they can see people sneaking out of bed to fix a snack without making arrangements to share.

There is a paw. Calvin sits in the distance, reading a comic book. There is the top of a tiger's back. Calvin is closer, still reading. There is a top view of a tiger's body. Calvin is closer, still reading. A tiger is crouching. Calvin turns around to see Hobbes with fangs bared. Calvin is horrified, and he yells. He clutches Mom's shoulder, while she tells Dad the comic books he reads are too grim. Dad says to look at Calvin twitch. Hobbes is on the floor beneath them.

Mom says Susie told her he was throwing mushy apples at her. Calvin says they were getting rid of slimy girls. That's their club. Mom says he better stop it. She tells him to come inside. As Calvin climbs down the rope, he says you can tell this is a great club because they always get in trouble following their charter.

Calvin tells Mom that Dad's calling her. She leaves her chair. Mom comes back. Calvin acts surprised that Dad wasn't calling her. He had put Hobbes on the chair. He tells Mom that Hobbes took her chair. Mom leaves, and Hobbes tells Calvin that he likes his chairs pre-warmed.

Calvin complains to Mom that Hobbes reads his comic books before he does. He says Hobbes yells out what's happening while he reads. Calvin quotes from one of his comics. It involves Captain Steroid getting punched in the kidneys with a I-beam and bleeding all over. Mom asks to see the comic book. Calvin is afraid she'll read it first.

Mom tells Calvin it's time for bed. Calvin says he's not going. He tells her not to be so dysfunctional. In bed, Calvin tells Hobbes he has a new entry for his list of words that get a reaction.

On Christmas morning, Calvin sees a certificate for one day pounce-free of tiger attacks. He tells Hobbes he thinks of the best gifts. Sitting on the sofa in their robes, looking tired, Dad says this could have waited until sunrise. Mom tells him to take a picture.

Calvin says he's not going to do his homework. He and Hobbes head for outside. There is a giant eye with legs sitting on the chair. Taking their coat and scarf off, Hobbes says nobody gives the evil eye like Dad.

Calvin wakes up thirsty, so he heads for a drink of water. Hobbes follows and stalks Calvin. Calvin sleepily returns to the bedroom, but Hobbes pounces. Calvin has a horrified expression on his face. Mom and Dad turn on the light to find him on the floor. They think he was sleepwalking, but Calvin says it was a homicidal psycho jungle cat. In bed, Hobbes laughs about how Calvin's face looked. Calvin says if Mom and Dad cared about him at all, they'd buy some infrared nighttime vision goggles.

Hobbes hits Calvin's pitch. Calvin retrieves the ball to find out Hobbes hasn't started to run the bases yet. Calvin grabs the ball and comes running. Hobbes stops to "tie his shoe". He hops backwards, then crawls like a worm. Calvin is getting closer, running at top speed. Right before Calvin can tag Hobbes out, Hobbes touches home. Later, Mom is putting a bandage on Calvin. She asks what happened that he needs bandages and Hobbes needs stitching. Calvin says Hobbes deserved it.

Calvin sees Susie still playing. He and Hobbes will walk past Susie and drop the top secret, coded letter for Hobbes. They walk past, drop the note, and Calvin says if it falls into a girl's hands, their plans will be ruined. Behind a tree, Calvin says everything is working perfectly. Hobbes says except she isn't picking up the letter.

Calvin and Hobbes walk by Susie again. They mention the top secret note again. Calvin mentions Susie finding the letter and spoiling their plans again. Behind the tree, Hobbes sees Susie opening the letter. Calvin was worried he'd have to hit her on the head and read it to her.

Calvin and Hobbes hop out of bed. They read the paper, run outside to play, dig for dinosaurs, look under rocks for bugs, play Calvinball, fight, hit Susie with a water balloon, run from a snake, look at the moon, and catch fireflies. Mom drags Calvin inside to bed. Calvin says summer days are supposed to be longer, but they seem shorter to him. Hobbes says they didn't get to do half their itinerary.

Calvin and Hobbes wake up. It's raining outside. They eat breakfast, then go out to wait for the school bus. Hobbes is with Calvin, holding an umbrella. Calvin gets on the bus, waving goodbye to Hobbes. Mom looks out the window and sees Hobbes on the sidewalk. She goes outside to get Hobbes. Calvin sits in school, watching the clock. Hobbes looks out the window, waiting for Calvin.

Calvin has a football and runs up to a door and rings it. He rings it several times while waiting in a panic. He yells for the door to be opened. Hobbes pounces on Calvin. Finally, Susie opens the door to see Calvin lying on the steps with Hobbes on top of him. Susie says her mom said to tell Calvin their doorbell isn't a toy. She tells him to go away. Hobbes has the football and tells Calvin it's now illegal to hide in other people's houses. Calvin says girls just don't understand sports.

Mom tells Calvin it's time for bed. Calvin tells Mom he hasn't finished his school paper yet. She asks how much more he has to do. Calvin tells her he just has to write it.

Calvin sees his gifts under the Christmas tree. He grabs one and shouts that he's gotten acquittal on all charges and complete exoneration. He laughs. Mom and Dad hug each other. Mom tells Dad Merry Christmas. Dad asks what that smell is. He asks if someone has been eating tuna fish at that hour.

Calvin gets a valentine card in the mail. Hobbes tells him to read it. Calvin reads a love poem from Susie. Hobbes torments Calvin, saying there are muchas smooches for El Conkisstador. Calvin thinks this is a nightmare, while Hobbes shouts that Susie and Calvin love each other. Calvin wonders what to do. Hobbes sees Susie coming. Calvin gets a slushball and pelts Susie with it. He says that's what he thinks about her valentine card. Susie didn't send him a card. Susie runs off. Calvin wonders who did send it. Hobbes is singing "Matchmaker". Calvin realizes Hobbes tricked him. He chases Hobbes. Hobbes says love makes the world go round. Calvin threatens that Hobbes will see stars go round.

Calvin comes home, opens the door, gets a camera out of a box, then yells that he's home. As Hobbes pounces on him, he takes a picture. He shows Dad a picture of Hobbes leaping at him and says that's what Hobbes does when he comes home. Later, Hobbes is insulted to know Dad thinks Calvin tossed Hobbes into the air for the picture. Calvin says he has to get a video camera.

Calvin notices how creepy it is with the snow and wind blowing. Hobbes says it's always creepy at 2:00 AM. He bets tomorrow is a snow day. He decides to call the superintendent to see. He says if tomorrow is a snow day, they can go right back to bed. As Calvin is on the phone, Dad comes up behind him. Calvin sees him and thinks maybe they will be going back to bed right away.

Mom takes Calvin's coat to hang it. She returns and tells him that Hobbes got put in the closet. Mom found him in there. Calvin scolds Hobbes for waiting in the closet for him. He says it's too bad Hobbes' plan was thwarted. Grumpily, Hobbes tells Calvin he should hang is coat up himself.

Susie asks if this is his big orange surprise. Calvin asks if Hobbes didn't pounce on her. Susie hands Hobbes to Calvin, saying he was by the door. Hobbes is wearing a tie. Mom tells Susie to come in. Susie asks if her mom called to say she could come home already. Calvin chastises Hobbes for dressing up for a girl.

Mom offers Susie a snack. Calvin asks Hobbes what he has to say for himself. Hobbes says that when entertaining female friends, one shouldn't look quite as seedy as certain unnamed parties habitually do. Calvin wonders who's entertaining and who looks seedy. Hobbes thinks a spotted tie is just the thing when you're wearing stripes. Calvin asks why Hobbes didn't kill her when she came through the door. Hobbes tells Calvin that if he had made proper introductions, he might have smooched her hand. Calvin reaches toward Hobbes offering to adjust the narrow end of his tie about eight inches.

Mom asks if Calvin is slamming doors. He says he didn't hear anything. Inside the closet, Susie is yelling for Calvin to open the door. She calls him a rotten bag of barf. Mom comes in and asks where Susie is. Calvin tells her she may have gone outside. Susie yells to be let out. Calvin acts shocked that Susie is in the closet. Susie tells Mom that Calvin tricked her into the closet and held the door.

Mom tells Susie that her mom is home and she will come pick Susie up. Susie is relieved. Mom angrily says she'll talk to Calvin in a few minutes. Calvin tells Susie not to lock herself in any more closets. Calvin and Hobbes run upstairs. Calvin says some promotions and medals are in order. Hobbes asks if they should get them before they get in trouble or after.

Mom stands in the doorway, cup of coffee in hand. It's barely sunrise. Calvin has a flag in hand and is running off to play. Mom says just once she'd like to see him manage that during the school year.

Hobbes gets to eat with Calvin at the table for dinner. They get to eat early and have grilled cheese sandwiches. Calvin says this is more like it. Mom serves his sandwich, and Calvin notices Mom is dressed nicely. Calvin suspects something.

Calvin sings a Calvinball song about having a game that's never the same, it's always bizarre. It's named after him. He tells Rosalyn to harmonize with Hobbes on the rumma tum tums. Rosalyn thinks this was a mistake.

Calvin has the Calvinball, so everyone has to go in slow motion. When Rosalyn tries to clarify what's happening, Calvin tells her she has to talk in slow motion. In slow motion, Rosalyn says this game makes no sense. It's as if he's making it up as he goes. Calvin says she's stumbled into the perimeter of wisdom. They run. Rosalyn now understands.

Rosalyn says if she's in the perimeter of wisdom, she gets to make a decree. She decrees that Calvin has to catch a water balloon she throws high into the air. As Rosalyn races to get a balloon, Calvin tells Hobbes that she picked up the nuances of this game fast.

Rosalyn tosses the water balloon into the air. As he runs, Calvin says he's in the corollary zone. If he catches the balloon, the thrower has to bend over and hold still. Calvin catches it. He thinks this is going to be sweet. Rosalyn grabs Hobbes and holds him behind her.

Calvin tells Hobbes not to guard Rosalyn. He wants to hit her with the balloon. Calvin says he'll just have to soak both of them. Rosalyn touches Calvin with the flag. She says the baby sitter flag means he has to obey the baby sitter. She says it's a half hour past his bedtime. They have to go in. Calvin grumbles about the darn baby sitter flag.

Calvin hates Sundays. The day off is ruined knowing you have to go to school the next day. Hobbes asks why he doesn't get his chores done now, so they can enjoy the rest of the day without worry. Calvin hates to delay fun, but he thinks Hobbes might be onto something. They clean the bedroom, do homework, get clothes ready, make lunch, and take a bath. Off they go to play. Mom sees them and says it's time for bed. Calvin says he isn't going to listen to Hobbes again. Hobbes agrees they should never put the low priorities first.

Hobbes sees headlights over the trees. Calvin thinks it's the aliens. He goes to collect his leaves. Dad sees Calvin outside collecting leaves in his pajamas. Dad has a flashlight. He tells Calvin to get in bed. Calvin says space aliens left the leaves for him.